OUT OF ORDER!!!!

OUT OF ORDER!!!

Have you ever felt STUCK, STAGNANT, and/or seemed liked you were just EXISTING??? No!?!?!?! Just Me!?!?!?! 🤷‍♀️ The past couple of months have been rather interesting to say the least. I’ve literally just been existing and going through the rudimentary flow of everyday living. Everything has been rather routine with no great expectations of much happening 😕

I’ve always been a homebody. Give me some books 📚, journals, WiFi, snacks (Lots of Snacks!!! LOL 😂) and a comfy couch and I’m set for life. Welllllll, at least that’s what I thought. This entire transition and change of life for me has changed drastically within the past year. Lately I have been wanting more!!! Yes Lord!!! More so needing more. Before moving to Charlotte it was nothing for me to leave the house and spend time with family and friends, then head right back home to my comfy oasis. I was satisfied. I was CONTENT!!!!

Spending time with four of my babies (Josiah, Destinee, Londyn and Parris) was always my excuse for lunch and movie dates. They were always down for spending time with TeeTee Mikki 😍. Our trips to the bookstores were always humorous. Londyn was always the comedian of the day because without her even saying it she hated going to the bookstore. She was always the first to get her books and made sure to get agitated at every turn until the others were ready to go. Now she enjoys the books that I send her!! 😍 Okay, back on topic! I love my nieces and nephew, if you can’t tell. LOL Those are my heart beats. I have watched them grow up and they have helped me realize what true and unconditional love truly is, along with my oldest two nieces 😍

From church to work, I was always engaged in something that seemed to keep my motivation lamp beaming. I felt needed even when I wasn’t given much acknowledgment or kudos. It was a passion and drive I had that moved beyond receiving accolades or attention! I loved GROWING! I loved SERVING! I absolutely loved BLESSING others as GOD has BLESSED ME!!! Glorayyyyyy!!!! 🙌 💜

What happened to that DRIVE that woke me up daily to EXPECT the BEST of the DAY??? What happen to that PASSION that sparked LIFE in my SPIRIT even when I was dreaming and sleeping at night???? Was it only fueled by the existence of known influences that were presently available at every waken moment? Was it fueled by the easily available opportunities greeting me at every corner? 

Why was I no longer functioning? Why was I no longer in order?!?!?!?! Why was I no longer in proper alignment with the things of God anymore? When I asked myself these questions, it was no secret that I already knew the answers. I hadn’t been operating at my fullest potential or at my fullest capacity and I knew IT. I didn’t know how to push past the motions and emotions, if you will. I wasn’t depressed. I wasn’t feeling sad or somber. 

Truthfully, I was okay being okay. I was okay for a moment not feeling the demands of the “religious” lifestyle I had fallen under. The moment of being stuck, stagnant and stale was more than just not pushing through life anymore. Being and feeling stuck was a result of me trying to live up to the expectations I had placed on myself for such a very long time. I had wanted so  much for my life. I had tried so hard not to become what everyone “THOUGHT” I was to become that I went too hard in trying not to be “THAT”person. In doing so, I was DROWNING. I eventually GAVE UP and for a moment I was content in being stuck because I no longer cared about BEING MORE. I no longer cared about whether I became the negative versions of who everyone thought YALONDA should be! 

I began realizing early in April/March 2019 that I wasn’t fully in order because everything was more about religion than it was about my relationship with God. I was BORED!!!!!! Yep, I said it…I was BORED!!! People say that it’s IMPOSSIBLE to be bored when you’re saved and living for God. Guess what?!?!?!? I was bored and I have been bored for a very long time. What people fail to realize is that it’s so much more to this than simply praying, going to church and reading your WORD. That is the FOUNDATION (My Perspective) to living right before God, but what about the natural LIFE aspect?!?!?! What about having fun and enjoying life? I’ve always been considered the goody two shoes in every circle that I had found myself in, even here in Charlotte, that I tend to always find myself doing things alone.

I was bored with everything, though. I was bored with the way I was praying. I was bored with the way I was studying and reading my Word. Colorful pens, journals and bright paper wasn’t doing it for me anymore. I was bored with life. Is that even possible when you’re saved? No!? Seriously!!! Is it? My thirst and hunger didn’t feel real and genuine anymore. 

✨✨✨ DON’T GET ME WRONG I LOVE GOD AND LOVE BEING A CHILD OF GOD, BUT IT DOESN’T MEAN I DON’T HAVE MY MOMENTS WHERE I WISH I WASN’T ALWAYS IN A SEASON OF ISOLATION ✨✨✨

Talk about isolation and being set apart. I understand that’s a major season for all of God’s Children or as my sis Crystal has been saying the “King’s Kid, but after awhile it gets boring and lonely.

Those thoughts and those feelings above is what had gotten me to the place of being out of total alignment. My focus had totally shifted towards myself, my emotions, how I was FEELING, and my circumstances that I had forgot about the ONE who could bring FREEDOM and EXCITEMENT to any situation and to MY LIFEEEEEE!!!!!

One day I was told by someone close to me, out of nowhere, that I needed to get my focus back and get back right with God.” 🙄 😶 😏 Ya’ll I had two different feelings emerge over me that day. I was angry and shocked! In so many ways I told them to mind their own business and not to make assumptions about MY LIFE. Now considering that this was my MOMMA!!!! 👀 LOL (Don’t judge me) you KNOW I didn’t say it quite like that nor in the tone that you read it in. Well not to her anyway!!! LOL!! 

I was defensive and seemingly snappy when talking to my mom for a couple of days. I was on edge. It wasn’t anything that she had done, but everything that needed to be done on the inside of me! See, the most obvious thing is that I understood exactly where my mom was coming from, but I was so in my feelings that I didn’t want her to know that. I understood perfectly because for days and weeks I had spoke those same words to myself.

Being miles away I didn’t think anyone else would even notice that I wasn’t in order. Those who knew me they reached out and they knew without me even saying anything that something was off. It was those random texts saying, “I’m praying for you,” “God’s got YOU,” and “Just thinking about you and I love you.” Even when you don’t think that you matter and that what you’re doing isn’t noticeable…GUESS WHATTTT???? GOD KNOWS and HE IS EVERYWHERE!!!! Distance means nothing to God. HE will speak through anything and anyone to get you back in the FLOW of HIS SPIRIT.

Just like anything that’s out of order, if it’s not fixed by the certified technician, there’s a great chance that it’s going to continue to malfunction. God is our MAKER!!! He knows exactly how to repair us!! He’s the Potter and we/re the Clay so only He can mold us and recreate us into His perfect form!!! It’s apart of His Divine Plan!!!

God sends people into our lives to help us, encourage us, motivate us and pray for us. I wasted no time reaching out to others and expressing my need for prayer and encouragement. Usually the encouraging words helps, but this time it wasn’t what I had expected or needed. The responses seemed bland and not sincere. Everybody has been going through their own issues and it has been a season of battles for sure so I understood and made sure to send a text message asking who was requiring prayer and prayed for my friends and family!!! Others I have noticed that their season and purpose in my life has EXPIRED!!!! Such is life and I’m no less of a person because of it and vice versa.

****God was teaching me through those moments of calling out to others that it wasn’t another’s voice that HE needed to hear on my behalf. He needed to hear MY VOICE. He wanted to hear MY HEART, MY CRIES, MY FRUSTRATIONS. God wanted me to put all of ME into HIS HANDS so I could begin to OPERATE how HE ORDAINED for me too!!!****

God isn’t a God of CONFUSION or CHAOS. He doesn’t operate in anything, BUT ORDER!!! When you’re out of order, you can’t be of use to ANYONE. I didn’t have the energy to talk to people and give encouraging words like I normally do. The kids at work said I was mean and moody!!! LOL!! These Charlotte kids got beef with me anyway!!! LOL Everything seemed to be in a disarray. For me, my apartment tends to become extremely MESSY. I mean this season of my life it has been beyond MESSY. WHEW CHILE!!! SMH!!! I don’t know what has been going on with me. It’s not nasty to the point where dirty clothes and dirty dishes and stuff is everything. HECK NAW!!! Thank God for a dishwasher and a washer and dryer in my actual apartment!!! Now there are laundry bags of clothes that I have yet to fold up. There are like 4 of them!! LOL I have yet to unpack my suitcase from my trip home in May!!! SHAME ON ME!!! I said it for YOUUUUUUUU!!!!! 😂🤷🤦

For me, It’s so hard to function, write, read, study, or pray when my home is out of order. Especially my room because that’s where most of my quiet time usually happens. Sleep is already off for me because the chaos that disrupts me even through the night. If I wake up and trip over a shoe I tend to wake up and start organizing things at 1:00am in the morning knowing I have to be up for work at 3:00am.

Oftentimes when everything builds up, the clutter is so disappointing that I tend to keep putting it off. When that happens you can imagine what else is put off. Yep, you guessed it!?!?!?! My personal and intimate quality time with God… That’s when you know that without a shadow of doubt that your are completely out of order!!!

IT’S JULYYYYYYYYY!!!! The Beginning of the End of the year! We made it to the final stretch! Along with this final stretch we have to begin to get back in order. We have to align everything back up with the things and Word of God.

What didn’t work for you in the beginning can now be adjusted and reevaluated to make things even greater for you as you approach the end of 2019! I was sitting and thinking of ways that I am taking a strong stand on getting my life back in order and I just wanted to share them with you all!

Getting in Order:

*Set Goals/Reevaluate Goals & Stick to them

*Declutter (Home,Closets, Desks, Friends, Social Media Accounts, Etc.

*RENEW YOUR MIND!!!! (Romans 12:2) Purchase books, change what you watch/listen to, subscribe to different podcasts/YouTube channels which speak on life changing matters.

*Change your diet, start to workout, begin to live a more HEALTHIER LIFESTYLE!!!

*Free YOURSELF from that PAST HURT and PAIN!!! Write letters to those who have hurt you even if you don’t send them off. Sometimes just getting it off of your heart is what matters!

*Seek counseling from Professional Therapist or Psychologist.

*Plan a mini vacation with you and some friends or just you and yourself just to relax relate and retreat. You need some relaxation and some time to unwind and free yourself of all the tension, anxiety and stress build up from the past six months.

There are times when we simply feel out of place and truly tapped out. We feel as if our batteries have honestly died out on us! During that time is when we have to look to God to amp us back up and get us rolling again. HE is truly our POWER SOURCE!! It may seem hard and daunting at first to admit that we feel misplaced and that we feel out of alignment with God, but the reality is that we are not alone and it may not even be our first or last time feeling that way. When we come to the realization that He is our all in all; our EVERYTHING, then things begin to look a little different, which in turn means our PERSPECTIVE changes drastically.

We often look at our circumstances and feel that we have gotten so out of place with God that He is unable or unwilling to help us, but that is FAR from the TRUTH. One call out to God and HE is ready to help! He said,

Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.

Matthew 11:28

The longer we choose to stay stuck, the longer it takes for us to get to our proposed destiny. That doesn’t mean God isn’t going to make sure we get to where we need to be, it’s just going to take us a little longer than it was supposed to. He simply says to come back to HIM and HE will turn things around for you once you do. NOW how amazing is that!!! You don’t believe me?!?!?!?! Then look below!!!!  😍😍😍

This is God’s Word on the subject: “As soon as Babylon’s seventy years are up and not a day before, I’ll show up and take care of you as I promised and bring you back home. I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.

 “When you call on me, when you come and pray to me, I’ll listen.

“When you come looking for me, you’ll find me.

“Yes, when you get serious about finding me and want it more than anything else, I’ll make sure you won’t be disappointed.” God’s Decree.

“I’ll turn things around for you. I’ll bring you back from all the countries into which I drove you”—God’s Decree—“bring you home to the place from which I sent you off into exile. You can count on it.

Jeremiah 29:10-14

My PRAYER for all of us is that we all allow God to PERFECT HIS ULTIMATE WILL in our lives!!! I pray that we allow HIM to complete the WORK that HE started within US!!! I pray and seek God on each of our behalf to be the men and women that He has called us to be without fault or blemish as we come boldly before HIS THRONE. I pray that whatever or whoever HINDERS our walk with HIM that it’s BOUND up from the ROOT. I pray that whatever areas have kept each of us bound and in bondage, that the chains have been broken loose and we are NOW set FREE to live a life WHOLLY before GOD. Lord CLEANSE us of all UNRIGHTEOUSNESS and set us on the path of FREEDOM!!! Cleanse our hearts and minds to think and feel like you. Give us a new set of eyes to have FRESH VISION to see things from your PERSPECTIVE. Give us all the tools that we need to get back in order and in PROPER ALIGNMENT with you Lord. Draw us back to our FIRST LOVE of JESUS!!! Without YOU, Lord, we are NOTHING!!!! We receive YOU, ALL of YOU this day and say THANK YOU for a FRESH START and for RENEWING us back to YOU!!! As we align back in order allow our talk, our walk, our thoughts and our actions to align with your perfect will and to look to YOU as our EXAMPLE!!! WE LOVE YOU LORD!!! In Jesus Name! Amen!!!!

4 Comments

  1. Beautiful! And I totally feel you! I dont have a way with words and expressing myself, but really I understand because I feel like that. God is with us and there to help! Keep trusting God. Our time will come! Blessings and prayers!❤☺

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much!!! 🙂 Blessings to you as well and thanks for the prayersssss!!! They are truly needed!!! Sometimes it’s hard to put into words what we really feel. For me it’s because of fear of what people will thin, especially those in the church world, but I have come to realize that those who are truly set to be apart of my life will love me through my mess and help me through the transitions that I go through! Thank you for joining me on this journey!!!

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  2. Very beautiful and open testimony that made me take a closer look at myself. Thank you sis for sharing so many personal moments of yourself they truly are an encouragement and I do believe they help so many that reads them; although it’s quite long but it only makes you want to continue reading to hear the victory at the end. ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much Sis. Knight! That means a lot! I honestly didn’t realize how long until I reread it again after publishing it lol! I got to the end and was like wow that was a great read! Lol but long! Thanks for taking time out to read it and share your thoughts! 🥰🥰🥰🥰

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