⭐️⭐️ WHAT DID I TELL YOU…NOW YOU WERE SAYING????? ⭐️⭐️
Whewwwwww!!! It has truly been a week! A mentally draining week for me! My mind has been in every direction, but the right direction! Enemy has been attacking my mind like none other! I almost gave him what he wanted too!!! Truthfully when it comes to anything dealing with my grandmother, mother and sister Crystal, it’s as if my entire world shuts down because I never want any of them to feel pain or hurt at all!!!! When they hurt; I hurt!!!! 🤷🏾♀️ I am yet trying to trust God, where this is concerned; even as I type this!!! 💕💕
It’s not to say that anything is going on with them that is of extreme concern. It’s something that’s always been apart of me as I have gotten older and my relationships with them have blossomed even more! When things hit the fan, I know that those three from my family will be the first ones there, without a shadow of doubt, along with my oldest nieces and my Aunt Lynel (They hold me together!!! They stay ready to POP THEM PRAYERS UP!!! Hit the Woah!) LOL!! AYE!!!
Prior to receiving some very AMAZING news in reference to my GRANNY BOO, I was on edge!!! I mean EXTREME edge!!! I couldn’t sleep!!! I was literally STRESSINGGGG! I was making plans, WITHOUT GOD, of course (Another Walk of Shame Moment) on what my next plan of action was going to be when things came back in opposition to what I wanted the results to be!!
💥 💥TALK ABOUT A TOTAL DISTRUST IN GOD BY THINKING ABOUT THE WORSE AND HAVING NO TRUST IN HIS ABILITY!!!! SEE HOW MY MIND WAS IN OPERATION ALL WEEK!!! TOTAL BOMB WAITING TO EXPLODE!! WHEW!! 💥💥
The funny thing about all of this was that everybody seemed to be cool, calm and collective and I’m here in Charlotte STRESSING!!! My momma asking me why??? (Me with the confused face!!! SMH) WHAT!?!?!? What she mean…WHY??? I’m 7 hours away, BY MYSELF!!!! No friends, No family and some news I just can’t handle and it’s hard with no support! Needless to say I got off the phone with my momma (Tuesday July 9, 2019) feeling rather sad and as if God has led me all the way to the middle of nowhere to watch me fall apart!!!! 🤦🏾♀️ 🙍🏾
Wednesday I spoke with my grandmother, the day before her appointment. Her words were like a BULLET piercing straight through my HEART!!! I had never heard those words come out of my grandmother’s MOUTH ever in my LIFE!!!! I was SPEECHLESS!!! Those who know me, know that doesn’t happen at all!!! I didn’t know what to think or say to her!!! I kept going with the conversation as best as I could trying to hold back tears and change the subject until I just got off the phone with her!!! My granny uses humor a lot when she is nervous or to distract herself from what’s really going on. Well this particular moment I was not at all enthused by her humor!
Thursday morning I was up super early and went to Walmart. Ya girl is never up early when I’m off because working 12 hour shifts daily along with working at least 2 extra overtime shifts a week, I gets my sleep on!!! LOL!!!! I was up and out early this day. I was waiting for my granny’s doctor appointment and test results!!! I ended up making a homemade banana pudding, Mac and Cheese, Turkey Tenderloins, Green Beans and Rolls! Ya Girl was bashing! LOL!!! Baking and cooking helps calm my nerves!
I texted my sis because I was having a moment. I hadn’t heard from my momma about my granny and I was just over everything. I knew Crystal had been up and down for past few weeks and so much was going through my mind. I was considering moving closer to home to Cincy or Columbus to be closer to family (I’m cool on Dayton…better jobs are elsewhere). I told her like I am sooooo tired of fasting and praying!!! CAN I BE HONEST WITH Y’ALL?????
I WAS TIRED Y’ALL!!! I felt like God allowed me to move all the way here to Charlotte knowing that my family would need me! I told Crystal like God knows things before they happen. He knew everybody was going to be having physical issues and health issues before I even moved and that I would be needed to step in and help, but He still approved me to move here to Charlotte! A place where I have yet to feel PEACE!!!! A place that I have yet to call HOME!!! A place where I turn down every event I’m invited too, function and gathering I turn down!!! I’m tired!!!
Let me clarify*** I have yet to gain the PEACE that I need and the ability to call it my home because I have been focused on everything besides God! My heart and mind has been on everything else. I have yet to place everything in God’s Hands and allow Him to make everything work for MY GOOD and MY FAMILY’S GOOD!!!!
If He knew all of this then why did He allow me to move here? When I tell you Crystal said a few words and got me together so quick! In so many words she said, “OF ALL PEOPLE YOU CAN NOT STOP TRUSTING GOD AND NOT BELIEVING IN GOD! SOME THINGS WE MAY NOT UNDERSTAND, BUT HE DOES!!! EVERYTHING HAPPENS IN HIS TIMING AND FOR A REASON!!! HE GOT THIS!!! It may not have been those exact words, but those were the words spoken to my heart!!!
Literally as soon as she said those words I started to pray over her, my mom and my granny!!! I hadn’t been able to really pray in a while because I was tired and didn’t know what else to pray!!! My last post I said God needed to hear MY VOICE, MY HEART, MY CRIES!!! It was the TRUTH!!!! Tears flowing down my face I reached out to my mom and asked her what happened at the doctor and she said…
****NO PACEMAKER!!!!! GRANNY CAN GO ON HER ROAD TRIP AND SHE HAS TO STAY ACTIVE!!!!!! PRAISE BREAKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!! I posted a picture of my granny on my IG page of how I really felt on the inside and JOY was all over me!!!!****
After posting this picture, MY FRIEND/MY SISTER, Tosha, was on it and texted me like this must mean we got good news about granny!!!! Yes ma’am!!!! 💓💓 She thought it was a new picture though!!!! LOL!!! Honey I wish it was!!! This was like 2007/2008 and MAMA was getting it with that jump rope. LOL!!! I sat up and texted Tosha the night before about my granny having to possibly be on the pacemaker and she shared her stories with me and she helped get me through the night cause I was a total mess on Wednesday night! Tosha is another one who ALWAYSSSSS has my back and NEVER CHANGES UP!!! I NEVER HAD TO QUESTION HER LOYALTY!!!! Since DAY 1 she has been there and showed herself to be a TRUE and AMAZING FRIEND!!! Her words to me, I’m Always Here, means more to me than anything because she is always there!!!
I am literally full of tears and laughter right now!!!!! These words…“What did I tell you…Now you were saying???” have been playing over and over in my mind for a few days! These words were expressed from God to my spirit and from my sister Crystal when she told me I told you that you can trust God! It wasn’t in a condescending way that will make you feel bad! It truly did convict my tail, though!!!
Through the hustle and bustle of the week and final outcome from my lack of trusting in God’s ability He made it known to me that, YET AGAIN…HE CAN BE TRUSTED and HE GONE MAKE EVERYTHING WORK FOR MY GOOD!!!!
It’s when we stop trusting in God and looking at the situation that everything around us looks like it falls apart. That’s why the WORD tells us to walk by FAITH and not by SIGHT!!!!
God will continue to tell us…What did I tell you?? I got this!!!!! Over and Over again!!! He will continue to PROVE HIS FAITHFULNESS and step to you with the side eye funny face like…NOW YOU WERE SAYING??? YOU DOUBTING WHO???? 😂😂😂 There should be NO DOUBT in our HEARTS when it comes to trusting and RELYING on GOD!!! There are so many powerful scripture references in HIS WORD that helps to calm my spirit when I am truly on EDGE and begin to doubt GOD’S FAITHFULNESS!!!!
Encouraging Scriptures to Meditate on:
- James 1: 6-8
- Proverbs 3: 5-6
- Isaiah 55: 11
- 2 Peter 3:9
- 2 Corinthians 5:7
- 2 Corinthians 1: 20
- Psalm 18
- Psalm 51
- Psalm 27
- 1 Peter 5:7
- Isaiah 55: 8-9
- Matthew 11:28-30
I know sometimes we may get in our mood, funk, or moment where we just have had enough and we just don’t know what is going on and we don’t know what God is doing. In those moments, is when we have to press in even more to touch the HEM of his GARMENT!!! God knows what we need and when we need it, but HE isn’t going to force it on us!!! It’s up to us to cry out to HIM and SEEK Him for those things that we desire to take place in our lives and our loved one’s lives!!!! Let’s not stress ourselves out with the possibility of things not going as victorious as we know they can and focus on GOD MAKING ALL THINGS VICTORIOUS!!!!
Even our cries at night matter to GOD. Sometimes we may not be able to pray out loud, but HE knows our HEART and the meaning behind our TEARS!!! Each day let’s take a constant and keen awareness towards personal and intimate time with GOD!!! When we begin to do that we won’t be knocked off our saddle too many times when we get shaken by a little bad news here and there!!!
Remember if NOBODY is there in your time of help, GOD IS ALWAYS THERE IN YOUR TIME OF HELP!!!
Last week is long gone and this week is fresh and new!!! I was reminded of that when one of the young men asked me did I know any scriptures on Mercy. Before I could even answer him, he had given me his bible!!!! My Pastor (Although I’m no longer in Ohio, Pastor Hayes has been the GREATEST PASTOR I have had since being saved) always quoted the scripture:
The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His Mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is Your Faithfulness.Lamentations 3: 22-23
That scripture played in my heart all day! This is a new week and a fresh start at trusting and relying on God. A fresh start for me to truly press in to God and let Him know my Heart’s Desires and to get to KNOW HIM on another level!!!
This time when God tells me , “Now What Did I Tell You,” it’s going to be in reference to Him expressing how Magnifying it is to be back in His Word!!!! He’s going to be all Smiles knowing that I have made HIM GLAD and made HIM SMILE!!!! That’s our ultimate agenda isn’t??? To Make our Heavenly Father Proud!!!!
When it seems like the world is up against you always have those you can run too and find safety in!!! These are my warriors!!! My prayer Team!!! Most Importantly This is MY FAMILY!!!!
⭐️Prayers and Blessings to you all this week!!! Pray for me as I pray for you!!! Love you all!!!!⭐️